According to its website, “Tinder is the fun way to connect with new and interesting people around you”…and indeed it is.

After being lured by friends, I finally gave in and downloaded the apparently ‘hilarious’ dating app named Tinder. For those of you who haven’t yet experienced the wonderful array of potential lifetime partners waiting for you, here is what happens;

Having tailored your profile to attract potential suitors, profiles appear one at a time. If you like the look of what you see, you swipe the screen right. If you’re not impressed, you swipe left. If the person likes you back, you match, and are now allowed to talk to each other, if you wish. If you swiped the person left, they will never ever find out. You’ll only ever know if someone likes you back. Fun fun.

I quickly discovered it wasn’t my style and I wasn’t willing to be catfished. But if there was one thing that kept me going, it was the distinctive characters I happened to stumble across.

Surely if you’re seriously looking to attract someone, you design your profile to appeal; to charm swipers to swipe right.

However, some people make you question this simple logic... 

Here are a few biographies that I and a few friends printscreened… each copied word for word. My observations are highlighted in bold underneath those which moved me to comment. Names are slightly edited;

1). Matty boi

“6ft, brutally honest and plenty of tattoos.

Save us both some time and tell me if you’re fat before I find you on Facebook and make you apologise for deceiving me with your cleverly angled pictures..

If you don’t drive, -2 points.

There is a Vegetarian Option, You Can F**k Off”

– Swipe right with CAUTION (Bull in a china shop)

2). Dougie boi

“We’ll get on a lot more if you like house music, mainly deep house…..”

– Specifically and only, deep house music

3). Oli boi

“Swipe left if you’re vegan, quote Marilyn Monroe or have hoop through the middle of your nose! You are not bull!! Not easily offended”

– Not easily irritated either

4). Pauly boi

“Tall guy living in Essex, working in London. If you like trance music I may propose to you”

– Cringe

5). Geoffy boi

“I’d like to thank God for making me an atheist”

6). Lewey boi

“All you need to know… Gym & Ink!”

– All you need to know apparently

7). Rossy boi

“If you’re young dumb and someone’s mum save me tht bother.”

– I don’t think you need to worry about being bothered by anyone

8) Charlie boi

“Eastenders, Chinese and a good glass of plonk. BOSH”

– Plonk…

9). Rhysy boi

“I know a c*** Who told a c*** That I’m a c*** Well heres the thing c*** It takes a c*** To know a c*** To call a c*** a c*** alright c*** :)”

– Extremely odd

10). Mikey boi

“there is only 1 thing to do in your life and ththat is to move up and on wit things and that’s wat I am doing so if you don’t like it that’s your problem and I don’t care so bollocks”

– No comment

I had to add one more, sorry it’s an odd number…

11). Marty boi

“Ultimate fantasy – being breastfed. Please let me know if you can oblige, Otherwise stroking for hours will do also ;)”